Are you a single mother? The common perception is that being a single mum in this day and age is hard.
While there’s truth to that, being able to raise a child all by yourself is a crazy yet rewarding experience.
The job of a single mother is fraught with many difficulties. You’d have to juggle your time, finances, and relationships for things to work. You’ve probably asked Google about tips on how to be a single mum, which is also the reason why you’ve stumbled on this article. But despite the challenges that you may face in this role, there are things that can help you get by.
Today, I am going to highlight the things that you may face as a single mother and the solutions that can aid you in solving them.
Table of Contents
The Common Problems Faced by Being a Single Mum
Every single mother out there comes across four common problems. They are:
Feeling Of Guilt
Divorce/Separation is one of the major problems that single mums have to deal with. Whether you’re divorced or separated from your husband, the feeling is still the same: it hurts.
You can spend a lot of time ruminating about the past, but life moves forward. The first thing that you want to do is to accept that the relationship you had with your partner is over.
Raising a child is a job in itself and if you’re suddenly thrust into this situation, it might feel like a problem that is impossible for you to overcome.
Things may be too stressful for you to handle, particularly when you have not experienced anything like this in the past. But, as with all things in life, there are ways to solve any problem that comes your way.
Sure, you may feel like there’s nothing you can do with your current situation. But believe me when I say that you can get through all of this!
Some single mothers rely on their husbands to provide for the family. However, in the event that you get separated or divorced from your partner, it is a common to feel overwhelmed
Financial issues can affect every person, not just single mothers. Fortunately, there are ways for you to overcome this hurdle like looking for jobs that you qualify for online. It’s time to put your education to good use.
Fatigue Due To Limited Time
Is it hard being a single mother? To some extent, yes. The good news is that you can organize your life in such a way that will make things easier for you.
For instance, do you have a hard time dealing with your little one while you work?
You can hire a babysitter or ask one of your family members to do that for you.
Pros And Cons Of Being A Single Mum
|1||You decide how to manage your finances. Your previous partner may have been too strict about finances when you were together. You probably wanted to give your baby a nice crib but your husband voted against it. Being a single mother gives you the freedom to purchase whatever it is that you want for you and your child.||You will have to deal with lots of stress. Since you’re the sole breadwinner of the family, there are times that you will feel a lot of stress as if the world is weighing you down too much. But you can mitigate the effects of stress by giving yourself some sort of reward for your efforts. Perhaps getting the occasional massage is all you need to get back on track.|
|2||Your children will be more responsible compared to other kids. Children raised by single mums tend to be more responsible than those who were raised by complete families. That’s because these kids are taught at an early age how to handle finances, delay gratification, and do household chores.||There will be too many responsibilities. A person can only handle so much. As a single parent, you have more responsibilities now than ever before. That said, if your kids are old enough, delegate some of the housework to them. Cultivating good culture at an early age helps you raise independent and responsible children.|
|3||You will have fewer arguments. If you constantly fought with your partner, then getting separated is one of the best things that you can give to your child. Being a single parent is hard, but there are some advantages to it. For example, you spend an ounce of your energy dealing with a person who doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Your children is also better off living in a peaceful household than one with parents constantly arguing.||You will have more expenses. You are the breadwinner now. The responsibility of providing the basic needs of your kid rests on your shoulders. If you have not tried budgeting before, now is the perfect time to do so.|
Staying Happy As A Single Parent
As everyone does after separation, single moms may struggle during the first few months. Emotionally and logistically, it’s going to be hectic. Life may put a lot of stress on you, but the good thing is that there are a myriad of ways to cope and adjust.
I know it may sound so cliche but quotes can be some sense of comfort. Particularly from other single mothers who have “been there, done that.”
¨Being a single parent is not a life full of struggles, but a journey for the strong¨. (Meg Lowrey)
¨I didn’t set out to be a single mum. I set out to be the best mum I could be… And that has not changed. (Anonymous)
¨I did not plan on being a single mum, but you have to deal with the cards you are dealt the best way you can¨. (Tichina Arnold)
¨ It’s hard growing up without a father, but it’s easy when you have a fantastic mother who plays both roles¨.
¨Being a single mum has caused some tears and some of the biggest smiles¨.
¨Some days, she has no idea how she’ll do it. But every single day. It still gets done.¨
¨Being a single parent made me more vital than ever before¨.
¨She remembered who she was, and the game changed¨.
¨Only mothers can think of the future because they give birth to it in their children¨ (Maxim Gorky)
¨I know it’s hard being a single mother, but I’d do it by myself rather than with someone who doesn’t want to¨.
How Single Mums Stay Prepared
It is nice to have a plan of action as it helps you get organised.
However, things may not go according to what you have envisioned.
This is why you need to have a backup plan at the ready so whenever something forces you to get off course, you can face the issue and get back on track.
Time is a finite resource that you have to manage if you are a single mother. As previously mentioned, you’d have to juggle a lot of things just to get by. It is important that you create a schedule that outlines the important stuff that you have to do.
For instance, your kid’s recital is at 10 a.m. You can schedule a meeting before or after that so that you not only be present when your child’s performing their piece, but you will also be able to talk with a client in the same day.
Do Not Get Influenced By The Opinions Of Relatives
People oftentimes give unsolicited advice to single mothers because they think that they’re helping. But, what ends up happening is that you get so upset and infuriated, especially since they don’t know your personal struggles. The best thing that you can do when people try to give you advice is to look at it from a standpoint of constructive feedback.
If they do not benefit you in any way, then let their “advice” go in from one ear and out the other.
Stay True To Yourself
Pain is a negative feeling that we don’t want to experience. As a single mother thrust into this situation where you have to raise a kid on your own, you’re going to feel pain from time to time.
However, this pain can help strengthen you as a person.
Whenever you’re down and you feel like things are not going your way, understand that pain is temporary.
Every single mother out there has experienced pain in some shape or form. Read single mum books out there and you will find tips on how to overcome your emotions by experiencing them, not hiding them or brushing them off to the side.
Set Your Personal Goals
One of the perks of being a single mum is that you don’t have a partner that prevents you from doing what you want. Do you want to become a cook? A painter? How about a baker? Sure, you have kids to think about, but being a single mother shouldn’t prevent you from reaching your dreams.
If you have goals, set them aside for now if you need to, but always get back to them as they can help fulfill you as a person.
Be Confident In Yourself
Single mothers are the best because they’re able to raise kids independently without a partner. That said, if you’re a single mum, do not be afraid of dating.
Do not be scared of putting yourself out there, particularly if you’re the type of woman who longs for a partner’s touch. There might be some people that do not like to date single mothers, but you will meet someone who will love you and accept you and your circumstances without a second thought.
Spend Time Outside The Home Regularly
Kids love to play and it’s actually encouraged that they engage in physical activities as it is part of their development.
While you can get so busy with work, always make time to do certain activities with them. Maybe you can bring your kids to the local park and have them play on the slide or whatnot. Your children will remember the time you spend with them, so do bear that in mind.
Being a single mother is no easy task. Despite the many difficulties you will face, it will benefit you to be grateful for what you have.
There’s a reason why those who look at the glass “half full” are happier than those who look at it “half empty” and that is these people count their blessings no matter what life throws at them. The negative feelings that you have right now will come to pass.
Be grateful for the challenges that you face because these will help you become a better person.
Understand Your Options
You should not give up on love even as a single mother.
As the saying goes, “if one door closes, another one opens up.” Dating has become so much easier now than ever before thanks to technology, so there’s no reason for you not to put yourself back into the dating pool.
Now, you might have negative thoughts about not being likable since you’re a single mother, but that is just far from the truth. If anything, you’re much wiser now because you’ve experienced what it’s like being with a partner that’s not right for you.
List the qualities that you like in a man and stick to them whenever you go on a date.
Coping With Co-Parenting
Even though you’ve separated with your child’s father, try not say anything negative about him to your kid.
In most cases, co-parenting is possible when there is mutual understanding between you and your former flame.
Successful co-parenting entails letting your child spend time with their father at certain days of the week. If there are events and your kid want to invite their father, be open to the idea.
Questions Kids Ask Single Mums
While it would be nice to tell your kids the whole truth, their viewpoint of the world is still innocent.
Sure, you can explain certain events to them (like why you’ve separated with their father), but do so in a way that it’s not too hurtful or difficult for them to overcome.
Remember, they still do not know how the world works. You can tell them the entire truth when they’re old enough to understand. But when they’re still growing up, tell them things that they can easily understand.
It may be tempting to unload all of your negative baggage to them, however, resist the urge to do so to prevent them from being overwhelmed about the situation.
You Can Do Even the Most Difficult Things
In this day and age, women are empowered enough to do most of the things that a man can do.
What’s more, if you do not know how to do a certain thing, you can rely on the internet to search for helpful tutorials and informational videos. Do not let being a single mum hinder you from doing whatever it is that you want or need to do.
Don’t Be Afraid To Ask For Help
While you can be independent and do things on your own, there are times that you will require the help of others.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. Asking help from others is a quality that even strong people have because they acknowledge that there are things that they cannot do alone. So, whenever a situation calls for another person’s help, do not be afraid to seek it.
Communicate With Your Friends
If it is your first time being a parent, let alone being a single mum, ask your friends who are also single mothers for advice. They are the best people to get some tips from since they’re living that life. Just remember that what they say are just pieces of advice.
Find A Community That Has Added Support
You might have a lot of questions that you want answered. The good thing is that we live in an age where information can be grasped so easily.
If you need guidance, seek out groups of single mothers who can provide you with some useful advice. There could be a support group in your local area for single parents that you can reach out to.
Self – Care Is Very Important
Despite the challenging circumstances that you may face as a single mother, never forget about yourself. Self-care is one of the most important things that you can do.
Pampering yourself with a visit to the salon, an occasional massage, or even some shopping can help you overcome the stresses in life. Budget may be tight for now, but what I am saying is that do not prevent yourself from splurging from time to time.
Organise Your Finances
It is time to enhance your financial literacy. There are books and online courses that you can enroll in that will help you get informed. Organising your finances is one of the things that you need to know in order to successfully parent a child.
Job Hunting as A Single Parent
As a single mum, it may be hard for you to be away from your child for hours. Fortunately, there’s a way for you to solve this and that is by looking for remote jobs. Visit some job platforms on the internet to find some rework work. It is one of the best ways to earn money while being able to look after the kids.
How Can I Get Financial Help Being A Single Mum
Most governments may also give some financial grants for single moms. Find out how you can avail of this aid from your local government.
Find The Inspiration To Keep Moving Forward
It is easy to get stuck in the past. However, you can no longer change what has happened. At some point, you have to dust yourself off and keep moving forward.
If it helps, you can find inspirational books written by authors who have struggled yet survived on their own. By looking at the success of others, especially those who have gone through many difficulties in life, you can get the motivation you need to continue on no matter how hard life is. Also find something to look forward to and find happiness in small things.
Don’t Be Discouraged if Things Don’t Go Your Way
Things may not go according to plan and if that happens, do not be discouraged. People may say that you’re trying too hard and you may get swayed by their comments, but realize that you are responsible for your own feelings. If something is not going your way, just think that this is a temporary setback.
Think of Something that You Can Do Together with your Child
Kids will remember if their parents spent time with them growing up or not. Always make time for them.
Take them to the park, play their favorite games with them, and maybe get some ice cream while you’re at it. One of the most important things that you can do with your child is spend time with them. Always keep that in mind.
Surround Your Child With Strong Role Models
It can be helpful if you surround yourself with strong role models.
Do not just ask advice from other single mums, be open enough to seek information from men as well. Be open to different perspectives so that you can come up with ways to raise your kids that suit your preferences.
You can also read children’s books written by single mothers describing how to live without a father and where to look for support. Find out how you can take care of your child even without their father or through successful co-parenting.
Read Books To Children At Night
Bonding with your kids by reading bedtime books for toddlers helps you create memories and improves your relationship with them.
As previously mentioned, your kid doesn’t care about the intricacies of the world. What’s more important is that you’re spending quality time with them.
In fact, psychologists recommend that you do this as it helps with their development. Read some bedtime books for toddlers as they’re packed with things that children want to hear when they want to fall asleep.
It’s All a Balancing Act
Raising a child as a single mother is all a balancing act. You have to think about getting a job and managing the finances. Learn how to manage your time so that you can spend it with things that matter to you – your job, your life, and most importantly, your kids.
If you’re starting out and are still struggling to juggle between jobs and taking care of your children, consider getting a babysitter to help you.
In addition, do not be afraid to put yourself out there again. You can date with other men so long as they’re willing to accept your current circumstances. But you have to make sure you date someone who loves you and accepts you and your child.
The life of a single mother is filled with many challenges. However, if you ask other single mums out there, they will tell you that it is a rewarding experience to be able to raise a child independently.
Always remember that everything happens for a reason. If you and your partner had to break up because of arguments and the absence of peace in the home, it was probably for the best. It is better to raise your child in a loving home than in a house where there’s constant bickering.
Things may look dire right now, but everything gets better. Just be strong and believe that everything will be all right.
I hope that this guide has helped you on your path to loving and living life as a single mum – to the fullest!