Stop Yelling At Your Kids

Lately, I feel like all I do is yell. I don’t speak in a normal, human tone, the only speech decibel level I know is LOUD! My throat is usually dry, my throat a bit sore and my head a bit tight from all the yelling. I’m yelling, kids are yelling, husband is yelling; everyone is desperate to be heard and no one is listening. And I’m not the only one. Speak to any parent out there and the majority will tell you not only do they spend a startling amount of time yelling at their kids, but that most of them hate it. Yelling is benefiting no-one and getting us nowhere, but how do we get our point across without it? Isn’t it all just part of the parenting parcel? How do we stop yelling at our kids and start enjoying life at a ‘normal’ volume?

Relinquish Then Take Control

You cannot control your children’s actions 99% of the time, but you can control your reaction. The age old adage of stepping away and gaining control of your feelings and monitoring your reaction really works in these scenarios, but can sometimes be impossible if you are pressed for time or the situation is becoming dangerous. By changing the way you react to the common challenges that usually see you raising your voice (and blood pressure!) you can find yourself armed with an arsenal of coping strategies that are much more beneficial to everyone. Try:

• Vocalising your feelings – you might feel stupid but saying out loud (even in the middle of a yelling match) how you are feeling in the situation can make you really stop and recognise how the situation is affecting you. Try “I feel very frustrated that you don’t seem to want to help me” or just plain old “I’m really very pissed off”.
• Breathe – an oldie but a goodie! If you can physically do it (it takes a lot of control), step away from the confrontation and take a few deep breaths to just calm down.
• Whisper – something as simple as a change in volume can change the whole dynamic!

Sometimes, YOU are the problem.

Kids are just kids, and like us adults, they have good days and bad days. They are justified in having cranky moments and forgetting manners, just as us adults are. But kids reasons for being naughty or rude or cranky often boil down to one or two factors, whereas you will probably find that there are an assortment of reasons that cause you to get your heckles up. I know I am more likely to yell unnecessarily when I’m overtired, been eating crappy food, have had a fight with my husband or am feeling under pressure from work or family. Recognise your triggers and take responsibility for how they cause you to react.

Do Unto Others

If you think about it, are there any people you would speak to the way you yell at your kids? Would you speak to your co-workers or friends in the same way when they frustrate you or push your buttons? Yelling and shouting only makes a situation worse, and doesn’t show a huge amount of respect for the person on the receiving end. Try and treat your kids with the same restraint you would show a friend. Lead by example and they may just show you the same respect in return! (note: I’m not making any promises – this wont always work with toddlers, teenagers, pre-teens….heck any of them!)

Plan Ahead and Aim Low

Expecting every morning to be a streamlined, peaceful assembly line of serene children getting themselves organised for school is like expecting your chocolate to still be in the cupboard after hubby’s gone for an after-dinner rummage. If you know your peak yelling time is that 10 minutes before you walk out the door, maybe start a little earlier or recognise who needs help and where. And lower your expectations. I used to have to have the beds made and breakfast dishes done before we left every morning, but realised one particularly hectic day that it really doesn’t matter – they will eventually get done (or not, in the case of the beds!).

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Kids start yelling at parents, because parents show them how to do it. Try not to do it, they wont do it to you! Simples!

Bottom line is, we yell because we feel we aren’t being heard and sometimes it’s just inevitable. As much as I hate that I seem to yell constantly, I cannot deny the effectiveness of a guttural roar, complete with red face and probably steam from the ears, when my blood has well and truly boiled. But even I like the idea of a quieter household, so I’m going to give this serenity thing a go!

Do you yell too much in your house? What are your ways of calming down?