The Bachelorette Teste Hurling And Spa Porn

Loitering in the lounge of the man mansion, the submissives are making idle to chat, taking up way too much airtime with nothing exciting.

Where is blue steel when you need him to entertain us with his narcissism? Kayne, now dubbed White Kanye, is still pretty smug about his rap. Osher enters, interrupting sweet-F-A, delivering a single date card.

Now we all know it’s Alex and we all know they go flying in death trap stunt planes because channel 10 ruined that surprise by plugging their ads all week.

Can you really bond hundreds of metres in the air in separate planes facing the earth screaming?

Narrowly escaping pissing his pants in fear Alex’s land by the bachelor out to the botanical gardens.

The channel 10 minions have done a bang up job not only setting up a make out couch, but a giant box of butterflies.

Cutting to the chase the mistress wants to scratch Alex’s surface. He’s been everywhere in the world and is well rounded. I’m just gonna put this out there just Alex remind anyone else of Lady Di? He does that exact head tilt when he talks and it freaks me out!

Whatever it is and it works the bachelorette pins a rose to his peck before the date is even over. The pair step into the giant box of butterflies and get all touchy-feely passing live butterflies to each other, they share a kiss. It was closed mouth so tongue access is denied for now..

Arriving back at the man mansion Alex is given the Spanish Inquisition. No one gave a fat rat Klaka about the fun planes the moment Alex reluctantly divulged the kiss.
Sasha-licious is spitting fucking chips.

Was it open mouth, were there tongues, did you are orally impregnate her with your suave sperm?

Keeping mum on his mouth magic with the mistress all the boys think Alex scored the first kiss. Sasha so sulky.

Game on moles.

The group date consists of Richie, Will, Sasha, Dave, White Kanye, and Davey who is more annoying than stepping in dog shit. Osher reads out the rules to the players dressed in humiliating knee high socks, they must humiliate themselves further by hurling their testes at one another as demanded by the mistress.

A heated much of testing Hurley was one by Ritchie’s team made up of Will and White Kanye. The winning team score some alone time with the bachelorette at a Turkish spa. Shit get weird when the mistress demands all the guys rub a mud mask on her body.

This is way too much like a German porno and if anyone whips out a fist shaped dildo I’m changing the channel.

Sam exfoliates Will as she asks him about relationships.

“My idea of a relationship is concentrating on not getting a boner right now.”

Richie gets a rose petal spa and Hep B with Sam while they talk about their mutual parental break ups.

Cocktails

Wasting no time, because tick-tock, David Beckham grabs Sam and shit gifts her some ‘fun facts about Michael’ cards. Access to resources is obviously tight in the Man Mansion because these cards were nicked from channel 10’s Officeworks order. And without wasting an opportunity his lips and a kiss voucher. Let’s not redeem that now.

Sasha-licious was also only granted access to pen and paper with the mistress in some meaningful telephone doodles in the shape of ‘Sam 4 Sash’. Straight to the pool room.

Rose bombshell

Osher reveals that two dudes will be sent home tonight. Davey, who is more annoying than anal fissures, scores the last rose leaving Kieren and Will to be told by Osher they did not get a rose.

Both guys depart saying their goodbyes to a flurry of back slaps.