10 Things To Say When Someone Asks You If You Are Pregnant When You’re Not

6. Tell them there IS a baby in there…

One that you ate. And it was tasty.

7. Tell them it’s a food baby

Then regale them with an extremely graphic description of what to expect when this particular baby is “crowning” on its way out of your intestines.

8. Tell them you’re a virgin

It’s an immaculate conception! You hadn’t considered that you could potentially be pregnant on account of never having had sex. DO YOU THINK THAT JESUS HAS COME BACK TO EARTH AND IS CURRENTLY INSIDE ME? IT IS A MIRACLE! Ask them to pray with you.

9.  “Yes, and it’s your husband’s!”

No further explanation required.

10.  Ask them an uncomfortable question about their own appearance

“What happened to your face? Haven’t you heard of Botox? What’s that? I thought we were playing a game where we ask inappropriate questions about each other’s appearances.”

Has anyone ever asked you if you were pregnant when you weren’t? What did you say?