Sex. It’s the one thing that it seems everyone has an opinion on, and advice to share.
We see it in magazines, newspapers, and in hundreds of sites across the internet. There’s so much information it’s easy to lose track of what’s reputable and what’s not, and people out there are very confused.
So with all the mixed messages about what’s going on between your sheets, what advice should you listen to, and what advice is best ignored?
Well at the end of the day everyone is different, and when it comes to sex there’s no singular way of getting things done. However, there’s some advice that you should definitely throw out with the trash.
So, if you’ve heard these ‘words of wisdom’ about sex it’s time to get the truth. They’re absolute bull!
Have Sex, Regardless Of How You Feel
This is one piece of advice that is often paraded around as the answer to marriage woes, but we think it’s garbage. And that’s true for both genders. Although the advice is regularly levelled at women, we think that any person, no matter their gender, having sex when they don’t want to is a recipe for disaster. Satisfying your partner is not about doing things you don’t want to do. Sex is about sharing something, not hoping that it’s over quickly and you can get back to what you were doing.
Sex without that connection is uncomfortable, disconnected and not enjoyable at all, so why do it? Don’t listen to the ‘experts’, if you aren’t keen don’t force it and don’t pressure your partner either.
New Moves Makes For Mind-Blowing Sex
It seems that every time you open a magazine or read an article about how to spice up your sex life there’s a call for you to try some ‘new moves’. Usually, these are flexibility-required gymnastics that contortionists would struggle to achieve. But you push yourself because new moves are the gold-paved road to mind-blowing sex. Nope.
The idea of bringing new moves into your repertoire isn’t a bad one, but you don’t need to be a yoga guru to succeed. Pushing yourself that far out of your comfort zone, and your body’s ability is more likely to result in injury than, please.
More Orgasms, More Synced = Better Sex
Sex magazines and experts have long been talking about the benefits of multiple orgasms, or simultaneous ones (at the same time as your partner). To be honest we aren’t buying it. Yes, we understand that sex is about pleasure, but pleasure is not just about orgasms, and it’s definitely not about how many you can produce or whether you’re exactly in time with your partner. In fact thinking about these details is more likely to distract you from the activity and from being in the moment.
Focus instead on enjoying the experience, not on the performance pressure of someone else’s expectations.
Things Will Sort Themselves Out, If They’re Meant To Be
This is one concept that is not helped by the swatch of ‘love at first sight’ romantic comedies that think a relationship is born and sustained within five minutes of meeting. The truth is that for the majority of people, relationships need to be worked on as they continue, and that includes in your sex life. If something isn’t working, there’s no point sitting on your hands and waiting for fate to sort it out for you.
At the end of the day, you’re two individuals, which means you’ll have differences to work through. Being open and honest about what works for you, and what doesn’t, is the key to keeping that going.
Discuss Improvements During Pillow Talk
We can’t figure out what genius came up with this one, but it’s definitely not good practice. Although it’s important to talk through issues you’re having, especially those that occur between the sheets, the time immediately after sex is probably the worst time to do this. Pillow talk is for relaxing, cuddling, caressing and enjoying each other’s company. It’s the time you’re most relaxed following orgasm, so just take some time to enjoy it.
Don’t use it as the time to air your grievances or disappointments, because they’re unlikely to be resolved the way that you want.
Sex Solves All
When you’re in the mood, sex is good for so many things. It can relieve stress, improve the mood and relax your muscles. It even helps with headaches. What sex does not do is solve problems in your relationship. Throwing yourself into sex because you don’t want to talk about or deal with something is just about the worst thing you can do for yourself and your partner. Sex in situations like this makes people angry and resentful and ultimately sours the act overall. Sort things out properly before you even consider sex, and never use it as a resolution tool.
So there you have it, the sex advice you’ve always wondered if you should listen to, debunked once and for all!