The 10 Types Of Jerks Who Make Supermarket Shopping Hell

6. The Earth Mothers

People who buy goji berries, activated nuts, kale chips and coconut oil, and then shake their head as your stroll by with your trolley full of Cheezels and shame. Those people. Go to a whole foods shop and leave me alone.

7. The Queue Jumpers

When the deli runs out of paper in the ticket wheel, or a checkout suddenly opens up, they’re there. They know full well that you were there first but their time is far too important to waste by being a human being and just waiting their bloody turn. In my experience, they’re often the kinds of oldies who choke talk radio stations complaining about how all the young people these days have lost respect for their elders and deserve a good kick up the backside and a stint of national service. And then there are the jerks who see you racing in a fluster for an open checkout with your small basket of goodies and  they break from a spaced out shuffle into a sprint with their overloaded trolley to beat you there, dropping packets of frozen dim sims and jumbo bottles of tomato sauce in their wake.

8. The Free Range Kid Herders

Look, I know how tough it can be to drag kids around while you’re trying to save a buck or two at Aldi. Trust me. My own kids drive me crazy at the shops… and in the scheme of things they’re not that bad. I know meltdowns happen, the parents who seem to let their kids run around feral, pushing trolleys into my shins or tipping over aisles of shelving have their heads firmly wedged up their backsides as they ignore this behaviour and do nothing about it. Every second I am trapped in a supermarket listening to a screaming kid feels like five billion years. The CIA should get rid of water-boarding and use this torture instead.