50+ Stories of Kids Saying the Darndest Things

4. Granddad is in my hat…whut?!

My Dad died last year so I had the unenviable task of trying to explain this to my just turned 3, son. I tried to explain that if we kept him in our brains and in our hearts then Papa would always be with us.

He was obviously upset but seemed to take this to heart. Later in the day I asked him how he was feeling to which he replied,

“Papa died but, he’s had his beans and he’s in my hat.” – the_gruffalo

5. Strong Maternal Bond

Literally last night my 9-year-old daughter informed me that she has a closer relationship with her mommy than I do, because she lived inside her for 9 months and quote “you have never been inside mommy”.

I did not correct her. -ultrafriend

6. Everbody went nuts!

My 4-year-old son liked to collect acorns in a Ziploc bag. We were at Sam’s Club and while I was trying a soup sample the sample lady asked my son what he was carrying. He yelled out “THIS IS MY NUT SACK!!! I CARRY MY NUTS IN IT!!!” I spit soup on myself. -Fluttergirl

7. Ninjas exist

My now 9-year-old, when she was 4 – we walked into the supermarket behind a fully burqa clothed woman (just a slit for her eyes) walking behind her husband. Very very rare in rural Ireland so she’d never seen someone dressed like that before. ‘Look, Mammy, it’s a ninja.’ – Carcul

8. Little Chinky-eyed Boy

We were in line at the grocery store.

3-year-old daughter: “mommy! Look at that baby! Why is he so angry?” Me: “why do you say that? He’s waving to you!” Daughter: “his eyes! They look so angry!”

This little boy was just Asian and his parents heard everything. – Lillymer

9. Knock, knock. Who’s there?!

When my younger son was 5 we had a Jehovah’s Witness knock on the door. I told him to answer it and tell them that I would be there in a second because I was helping the oldest with homework. He goes to the door, opens it, and says, “And what the hell do you want sir?” I was shocked and completely embarrassed. I still have no idea why he said it or where he even got it from – Ianadoal

10. Say it again, son. Loud and clear.

In home decor and my 3yo yells out “Dad!! Look a black cock!!” I was next aisle over and made the mistake of saying what!?! So he repeated…. but louder! I came running to find him pointing at a Black Clock… I died. – RoOkie

Brace yourselves… there’s more on the next page!