After two kids I can safely say I’ve learned a lot about pregnancy, and I really wish someone had let me know about certain things before I had to go through all of it myself. So here are the things nobody tells you about pregnancy (that your doctor won’t tell you about and the books don’t know about!)
1. Everybody and their cousin wants to touch your belly. This increases as it gets bigger.
2. The only pregnancy stories you hear are the horror stories. I don’t know why but it seems like everybody whips out their “let’s scare the new mummy” membership card and makes up for past dues. Just ignore them if you can.
3. You can actually get bruising on your liver from baby kicks. And it hurts!
4. Dessert will become your main course. Followed by dessert.
5. The only thing on your mind will be labour, even if you’re months away from the due date.
6. Your toenails keep growing, but you slowly lose the ability to trim them yourself.
7. There will be hormones you won’t be able to control, including sudden urges for everything, from pickles and ice cream to the inexplicable need to buy a year’s supply of nappies.
8. You’re going to get annoyed, at EVERYTHING. Too much traffic, not enough service at restaurants, too much gravity – the works.
9. In the last few weeks before the due date, everyone you know will call at least once a day to ask if you’ve had the baby yet. Since #8 is still applicable here, just do yourself and everyone else a favour and turn off your phone.
10. The only thing larger than your belly will be your ass.
11. You will hate everyone who uses the baby name that you specifically picked out.
12. You can forget about personal grooming completely. No matter how hard you try, some days you will just not look good.
13. Everything will give you heartburn, including water and breathing. Keep plenty of antacids on hand.
14. You might begin lactating weeks before the baby comes.
15. You could make a tent out of your maternity underwear.
16. A lot of people can get pregnant with just one or two tries. A lot of other people can’t. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else; every woman is different.
17. An unfortunate fact of life is that not all pregnancies end well. There’s nothing anyone can say to prepare you for it.
18. You’ll crave ONLY the things you aren’t allowed to eat. Somehow knowing you can’t have them only makes it worse.
19. You will hear people mention how “you are going to be really busy with all those kids” and your first reaction will be to show them how busy THEY will be with a black eye. Try to refrain, for the baby’s sake.
20. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but it is also one of the hardest things you’ll do in your life.
There’s my gripe!!!